Let’s begin all the way from the start of 2011. The start of 2011 was celebrated with my club members. Well, I can’t really remember what really happened, considering my memory isn’t really that good but I’m sure the fireworks was beautiful. Me and a few others stayed till about 5am the next morning chatting and I’m sure I reach home at about 6.30am dead tired. That was last year. This year? I stayed at home, sick.
Considering I’m quite lazy to post about all that happened in 2011, let’s just mention those I can remember.
2011 wasn’t really kind to me, since all school holidays are filled with attachment and final year project. Busy busy busy. Yea, it’s an awfully busy year. Attachment was torturing yet fun at times, but the people there are great. My colleagues gave me a little diary on my last day of internship in which it has greatly helped me to keep track of my busy schedule throughout the year. This is the first time which I dedicatedly use a diary. Well, I considered that an achievement! =D
Last year, I nearly had a fallout with a good friend. I was angry. No, FURIOUS and disappointed. But I’m glad I know how to put the hurt aside so that I won’t sour a friendship. I think I’ve really matured alot this year cause I learnt how to handle numerous types of situation well.Even my cousin who always like to find fault in me, agreed when I told him about a few incidences.
Challenges. Challenges in friendship, family bond, musicality, time-management, sports, school, health. Yes, there’s lots of challenges in 2011 that forced me out of my comfort zone, exposing me to a whole new experiences that I would not dare to pursue before. It was somewhat unwillingly at first but I learnt to adapt well.
In 2010, little did I know that I decided to form my FYP group with totally different people than I’ve expected. But yea, I did. Not unwillingly, but sorta willingly. Among those few, are classmates that I’ve recently grown closer to. Though we really hate our in/charge, I don’t really regret choosing them as my group mates.
So, regarding my condition, I’ve finally told my mum and she went with me to the polyclinic the very next day. I was then referred to NUH to have further checkups. I was told I wasn’t in any particular danger or risk but I do have to go for a surgery. I know I’m being lectured by those few who care that I should have done something about it earlier since I knew it for like a year, but I’ve my reasons for not doing so. Initially, I planned to tell my mum in January as in sometime this month, but that particular day, I decided I might as well tell her cause I’m beginning to feel scared about my condition. This actually happened just recently and it was really a frightening period for me, going for my medical appointment alone since I don’t wanna trouble others. Maybe I should have just stick to my initial plan cause now, we’re sort of facing a financial difficulty cause of both my brother’s and my medical situation.
As that other brother of mine, I’m not sure what exactly he wants but I just wish he could stop creating trouble for us all. He shouldn’t go around ruining his own reputation. But I guess, a visit to the police station once isn’t enough to make him repent.
Just recently too, I found out that a good friend of mine got pregnant. Obviously I was shocked. She’s living her life too fast-paced, considering we’re the same age. But I guess, now it can’t be helped. I hope everything is going fine for her now. I thought she would go for an abortion but I was told otherwise. She seemed happy when she told me that I was going to be a godmother. I hope it really is the case.
On the brighter side of this year, I managed to meet up with all those people whom I wanted to catch up with. Namely, my secondary school friends, cousins, primary school friend and poly friends. Can’t believe I finally even went to celebrate both Hari Raya Puasa and Hari Raya Aidilfitri with my secondary school friends as a whole malay class for the first time as well.
Lastly, how I spent my last day of 2011? Well, I went to a very good friend of mine’s auntie’s engagement and helped out a little. Yes, it’s my first experience helping out in such event, and I like it. I hope I can do this too for my cousin’s engagement. Even so, we stayed only for a little while and decided to leave just before more of her family arrived. We didn’t want to be the extra people in that festivity.
Finally, like I mentioned earlier, I didn’t go to town to celebrate the new year and watch the fireworks display. Instead, I stayed at home cause I was falling sick. Ok, I am. =X What a way to start the new year isn’t it? But yea, I hope this year would be better. And I can’t wait to graduate!! XD
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
(Source: jjangs, via k-popgeneration)
Maybe I’m just taking it way too seriously. But for someone who’s not even bothered when someone insulted her upfront, this may not be just paranoia.
Discrimination. I never felt so utterly insulted before. And if I just have to live with it for another half of the semester, then fine.
For the first time in my life, I thought of migrating.
I want to quickly graduate and find my own happiness in life.
Anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration. An emotion strongly felt by somebody who cares too much. Whom no matter how hard she tries, she still can’t act indifferently. Even so, at this point of time, no words can seem to fully express how she feels right now. That person, that pitiful person, is me.
Yea I know there are many more people out there who are feeling worse than me, regardless why. But at this point of time, as I’m avoiding reality and pretending to sleep in my room, with the lights off and the door close, I’m trying my hardest to block out the sounds from just outside that very door. I must block out the sound, all those noises. I NEED to block them out! My heart feels so uneasy. I wonder if this is what they called an heartache.
If I’m to write all my thoughts here, you would think that I’m thinking of committing suicide. But hell no! No matter what happens, I would never do such condemned thing. I believe that this is all a strenuous, heart-aching, nerve-wracking test of life. However, I’m at my wits’ end. Without realizing it, all these are already affecting me greatly.
But you know what irritates me the most? What irritates me the most is how easily I can still act so cheerful in front of others, yet my heart is damaged. With all that happened tonight, I wanted to give up completely and yet, I couldn’t. I couldn’t when I saw a glimpse of tears running down his cheeks while he stares at blank space. He’s holding in his tears, his sorrow. I know. Cause I saw that moment.
It frustrates me. Why can’t he tells us what exactly does he want?! Doesn’t he knows that whatever the outcome is, it all boils down to his decision and actions solely? I’m annoyed at his laziness, rudeness, stubbornness and muteness. I’m annoyed by their unnecessary scoldings too. And I’m annoyed at how easily affected I am to all these.
With all the emotions-stirring events that happened in my life, I think I could write a novel. Maybe it could even help me release all the frustration I’m holding inside.
And now I wonder.. What if all these that happened are just part of a novel?
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Then I would be a writer of course.
It just happened alright? Just live with it. It’s not like it’s the first time. Stop trying to put the blame on everyone or saying that he’s made a fool out of us. I’m not a fool, and just because we’re not alert enough, doesn’t make us a fool.
I’m tired of being.. a GUARD everyday. Expecting to restrict his every moves, and at the same time be a prisoner ourselves. I’ve a life. I don’t want my life to be wasted just observing his. I can go crazy! And if I didn’t have a cool, and perfectly sane head, I would probably have been already!
